is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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