Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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