they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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