i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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