So drunk its hurt
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize