Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize