Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
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So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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