so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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