The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
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i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
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I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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