Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
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theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
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You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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