he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need to calm my uterus...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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