Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize