She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
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If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
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I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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