What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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