I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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