I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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