I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you win again, gameday.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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