I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
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You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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