I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
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Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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