My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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