Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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