During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
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Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
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