I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize