It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize