real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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