my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
well most of my day revolves around power hour
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize