Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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