I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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