fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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