After last night, I could never be a politician.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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