Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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