Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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