it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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