we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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