Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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