I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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