Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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