After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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