So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
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You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
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I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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