this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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