Who wears a wallet chain?!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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