It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
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He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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