One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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