Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
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Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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