Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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