He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize