I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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