I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
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Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
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He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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