I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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