Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
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Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
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Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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