I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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