White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You ate ashes out of my bong
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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